Thursday, December 15, 2011

Do you listen to your dreams?

A bit late in posting this, but here goes my story. 
I had this dream the morning I had to leave for Nepal.  This dream has left me with some wonderment as to the meaning and I thought it would be something I would like to share with you.
I was in a jail cell, not sure where or even the reason why I was there.  I was in tears and I remember that it was a kind of out of body experience, me watching myself.  I was crying so uncontrollably and I could feel the pain as it was so real. I asked somebody, not sure who it was, the reason why I could not get bail to be released from jail. I noticed everybody else leaving and I was still there. I was informed that apparently, the one side of my brain was bigger than the other half. They told me the only way I would be released on bail was if I agreed to undergo a procedure. When they explained this procedure the vision I had was one that was done in the old psychiatric wards to make people calm and vegetable like, drilling in the side of their brain. I remembered thinking of how these people looked after the operation, with no personality left, just a shell of a person. They then told me the only way I will ever get back my freedom was if I agreed to this procedure, otherwise I would spend the rest of my life in jail. I saw myself crying as I made the choice to not have the operation, agreeing to give up my freedom forever so that I will not become this vegetable person. At that point my dear friend Janice came to sit on the edge of the jail bed. She said to me that I had known this was going to happen, and that I predicted it.  And I remember thinking to myself, what is she meaning as I never made any prediction about me spending my life in a jail cell. And I knew I can never leave this place, because of the choice of not allowing this procedure.

A very strange dream for those of you that have ever tried to remember your dreams. But it made a very big impression on me. And I know it can be interpreted in so many different ways, depending on the emotion of the day. But I was just wondering what you would have done, would you want to be in a real prison, but still remain who you are or a prisoner in your own mind where you can never escape from. Is this not how we live our lives, making choices based on what others are doing? Do you love who you are enough so that you would not want to change yourself at any cost, even if it means sacrificing certain things in live. Because with every choice made that is against the grain, does come certain sacrifices and it is never easy. But I do believe that I am at that point in my personal growth where I am learning to love myself enough that I can stand for what I believe in, no matter what the cost. I am willing to rather be free in my thinking, than to live as a prisoner of my own thinking, ruled by my fears.  Can you make that choice, are you willing to do whatever it takes to be who you are, to live your dreams. About the prediction that my friend said I made, the only one I ever made was as noted at the top of the blog “The story about a school and how it changed our lives.” And for that prediction I am grateful every day.

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